Crossroads
I have been down this road before, I am recalling. People do not "get" me. They do not get me when I give of myself for no reason. Instead of responding with thanks, they allow their hearts to be jealous. Instead of loving me, they begin to harden their hearts to me. I just do not understand it.
I am recalling many years back when I gave so much of myself for the cubscouts. Looking back, I do not know how I did it all. People just do not believe it can be true when someone gives without expecting anything in return. They have to let their minds wander and think the worst of someone. Surely that person has some ulterior motive, right? Next you know, gossip and false rumors start until they bring the person down.
As I reflect, this has happened to me many times in my life, but I never realized the pattern. It is happening again in the digiworld. Why am I getting such a bad rap for doing something good? Why do shop owners have to dislike me because I have found a way to give out digi-freebies and help people learn. Is it because they feel I am taking away from their business? Their eyes are clouded. The thin film over their eyes keeps them from looking beyond and through the trees so that they can see what is really happening.
I have been stressed over a decision. I originally had all of my tutorials up for free because I just enjoyed helping people. However, lots of people came along and were in awe that I did not charge and spent so much time without benefit to myself. I was encouraged over and over to make some money with the tutorials. So, I changed my goals and was working toward opening online classes.
I am not happy.
Why did I listen to them? Why did I not just stay true to myself? I am much happier being myself.
I want to pray to God some more to ask what I should do.
While spending time with God, I was reading Psalm 42. Yep, that's the deer panting so thirsty to water chapter. There's a great hymn that goes along with it called "As the Deer."
It was a good thing for me to read as I was getting depressed about not being accepted and always insecure that someone will not like me. I know in my heart that it only matters if God likes me, but I am human and it hurts when people do not like me. Especially if they do not like me for the wrong reasons, like because they do not understand how someone can be so giving and then begin to make up things to bring that person down.
Verse 5 reads: "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God."
I was immediately reminded that when men cause me to be downcast, that I should look to God and put my hope in Him. I need to focus my thoughts on Him and he will give me the ability I need, rather than trying to help myself. He will give me the answers I need. He will show me what road I should take with this digiscrapping stuff. Hope in God is an anti-depressant! Verse 7 reminds me that "in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me." As the song says, "You alone are my strength and shield."
I am recalling many years back when I gave so much of myself for the cubscouts. Looking back, I do not know how I did it all. People just do not believe it can be true when someone gives without expecting anything in return. They have to let their minds wander and think the worst of someone. Surely that person has some ulterior motive, right? Next you know, gossip and false rumors start until they bring the person down.
As I reflect, this has happened to me many times in my life, but I never realized the pattern. It is happening again in the digiworld. Why am I getting such a bad rap for doing something good? Why do shop owners have to dislike me because I have found a way to give out digi-freebies and help people learn. Is it because they feel I am taking away from their business? Their eyes are clouded. The thin film over their eyes keeps them from looking beyond and through the trees so that they can see what is really happening.
I have been stressed over a decision. I originally had all of my tutorials up for free because I just enjoyed helping people. However, lots of people came along and were in awe that I did not charge and spent so much time without benefit to myself. I was encouraged over and over to make some money with the tutorials. So, I changed my goals and was working toward opening online classes.
I am not happy.
Why did I listen to them? Why did I not just stay true to myself? I am much happier being myself.
I want to pray to God some more to ask what I should do.
While spending time with God, I was reading Psalm 42. Yep, that's the deer panting so thirsty to water chapter. There's a great hymn that goes along with it called "As the Deer."
It was a good thing for me to read as I was getting depressed about not being accepted and always insecure that someone will not like me. I know in my heart that it only matters if God likes me, but I am human and it hurts when people do not like me. Especially if they do not like me for the wrong reasons, like because they do not understand how someone can be so giving and then begin to make up things to bring that person down.
Verse 5 reads: "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God."
I was immediately reminded that when men cause me to be downcast, that I should look to God and put my hope in Him. I need to focus my thoughts on Him and he will give me the ability I need, rather than trying to help myself. He will give me the answers I need. He will show me what road I should take with this digiscrapping stuff. Hope in God is an anti-depressant! Verse 7 reminds me that "in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me." As the song says, "You alone are my strength and shield."
So, I'm in the middle of reading God's Word and thinking on him when I look up at my computer screen and there is an ad for Michelle Underwood's kit....and God says to me "love you bunches." It made me smile.
Sandy said something about a "ministry." Can digiscrapping be a ministry? How can I make it a ministry? What does that really mean?
If I am longing and thirsting like a deer for God and desiring to worship Him, how can my focus on Him be used through digiscrapping? What is it that God would have me do with my time spent in this hobby?
Also, as the song says, "I want You more than gold and silver, only You can satisfy." I the biggest thing in life that satisfies me is giving. I am so blessed in return by giving. That's why I do it. God is satisfying me through my giving. Money can never do that.
I did find several versions of the song on Youtube and picked out this one to share.
Sandy said something about a "ministry." Can digiscrapping be a ministry? How can I make it a ministry? What does that really mean?
If I am longing and thirsting like a deer for God and desiring to worship Him, how can my focus on Him be used through digiscrapping? What is it that God would have me do with my time spent in this hobby?
Also, as the song says, "I want You more than gold and silver, only You can satisfy." I the biggest thing in life that satisfies me is giving. I am so blessed in return by giving. That's why I do it. God is satisfying me through my giving. Money can never do that.
I did find several versions of the song on Youtube and picked out this one to share.
3 comments:
That was so uplifting! (snif snif) I remember when we used to sing that song in the choir. I had totally forgotten it. You are right. Need to refocus and all else will work itself out.
The link is on and it works :) Keep up the great job! Thanks for your post, I appreciate it!
Your post was very encouraging!I want to thank you for this as I am the same kind of person. Just what I needed to hear!
I know it's hard to believe when you're down, but many, many more of us struggle with not being accepted than you know. I, for one, accept you just exactly as you are, a warm, giving person. Thanks for being you.
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